On adapting (to) GFCF baking

Baking with gluten free flours is very interesting. Even with xanthan gum acting as a binder, there is no way gluten free baked goods are going to be an exact replacement for baked goods made with glutenous flours. The rise won't be the same, the breads won't have the same "lift". Gluten free flours tend to make baked goods denser and moister, and even slightly spongy. It's not a bad thing, it's just different. Actually I am finding that I prefer gluten free baked goods, and I'm not sure why.

Megan needs to be casein and soy free along with Anna. As far as I know, none of us has to be gluten or peanut free, just Anna does. I've decided that our family will all be gluten, casein, soy and peanut free (more or less, although I'm not about to give up milk in my coffee) to make it easier on me in the kitchen and to stand in solidarity with Anna. Strangely, I am feeling better since being on this diet. I've lost some weight, I have more energy, my body seems to be happier. Looking at Anna, I can tell she feels better too...just the constant smile in her eyes and on her face tells me that, even though she might not yet be able to describe it with words. Even stranger, I have nearly zero desire for the stuff we used to eat (with the exception of pizza!)...breads, wraps, pasta, pretzels, even coffee (I've gone from 2 cups to 1 cup per day) and chocolate. I don't feel denied by not having cheese in the house, either. It's all very interesting.

On dentists and sibling rivalry

Last year at this time, Megan chipped a tooth and Anna had something stuck in her gums, so I took them both to the dentist. Megan's tooth was fine, and they were able to use floss to dislodge a piece of food stuck in Anna's mouth. Megan was great. Anna, however, screamed and yelled and sobbed and shrieked for the dentist. It was awful, I had to hold her down and everybody was staring at me. Everyone in the whole big huge room. It cost $65 for each girl for them to look at the problems. I totally thought it would be $65 again for a cleaning.

So, this year Megan's teeth had turned brown. Totally gross to look at. I try not to be vain, but teeth matter to me. So I took her to the dentist thinking it was plaque. They said no, it's iron from her mulitvitamin that is staining her teeth! Normally they don't attempt to do a cleaning until age 3 but I asked and they said they'd see how she did with someone checking her teeth out with a mirror. Well, she wowed and charmed everyone. She was still and quiet, opened her mouth when asked, answered "yes" to every question they asked, and was overall completely agreeable. Everyone kept commenting on how sweet and cute and brave she was. She even took x-rays. She got to pick out chocolate toothpaste and strawberry sparkles (flouride) for her teeth. She got to wear cool sunglasses so the big light would not hurt her eyes. She got to pick her own spiffy toothbrush, two stickers, and a prize (a pink snake). And she walked out of there with clean, white teeth like the queen of the world. I walked out of there shockingly poorer - it cost over $200 to do all that! For a toddler! I handed over my Visa and nearly gagged.

The dentist told me Megan has a soft spot on one tooth that needs attention, they told me how to take care of it so it does not turn into a cavity. It's near the gum line and probably came in that way. She also has a dark spot in-between her two front teeth. It's not a cavity yet, but I need to take care of it properly. I guess that was worth a big bill. Better to know about this now and head off a big, more expensive problem later. Also, the x-rays showed big secondary teeth...they won't all fit in her mouth. She will need teeth pulled and braces, and something to correct a significant overbite.

Well, Anna heard all about Megan's rock star visit to the dentist, the chocolate toothpaste, the strawberry sparkles, the prize. She pestered me all day long about going. Finally I called to make an appointment. I cannot believe I'm going to fork over another $200 for Anna's dentist visit! But I figure, she wants it...maybe it will be okay...maybe she'll get over her anxiety and fear and I never have to worry about a dentist visit again. She's been doing so great lately, I should jump on this now while she's agreeable. Her appointment is for March 12. I'm taking her while DH stays with Megan just in case I have to deal with a meltdown. I don't know what to expect from her. She has not had a meltdown since starting the diet. I'd love for Anna to have a good experience at the dentist! I hope they can do a cleaning, Anna's teeth are not stained like Megan's, but there is a little staining on her front teeth where they wedge together tightly. I'm expecting them to tell me she'll need braces too. Her teeth are all crooked. Maybe she has too many teeth, too. Like her mother.

So because Anna wanted rock star treatment like Megan got, I played up Megan's visit to the dentist. I told Anna all about how Megan got chocolate toothpaste, how brave she was, how she got strawberry sparkles and stickers and a prize. She wants it so bad she's practically drooling. Normally I don't encourage sibling rivalry, but I'm encouraging it now. This once. I sincerely hope lightning does not strike in the form of a meltdown when Anna goes to see the dentist next month!

Crock Pot Garlic and Lemon Chicken

This is so easy to throw into the crock pot mid-morning and have dinner ready by late afternoon.

5lb chicken
1 large or two small lemons
2 tbsp. olive oil
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
2 tsp. thyme
1 tsp. oregano
3 large cloves garlic, slivered

Coat the crock pot with cooking spray. Rinse the chicken and discard the gizzards. Place chicken in the crock. Slice the lemon(s) in half. Squeeze the lemons over the chicken and then place the rinds inside the chicken cavity. Drizzle the chicken with olive oil and sprinkle with the salt, pepper, thyme, oregano and slivered garlic. Cover and cook on low about 8 hours or on high for about 6 hours, until an instant read thermometer reads 170 degrees. Let the chicken rest in the crock pot for 10 minutes before serving.

*This makes quite a few meals. Save the chicken juices and skim off the fat to use as a soup base. Chop the darker meat and some of the white meat to use in chicken soup. Dice some of the breast meat to use as chicken salad or to top green salads, GFCF pizza or GF pasta.

Mock Peanut Butter Cookies

Here I've adapted an old, favorite recipe for peanut butter cookies below. I used cashew butter and Sorghum Flour Blend and the cookies behaved just like the old recipe, and they taste good too.

1/2 cup palm shortening
1/2 cup cashew butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 egg
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 1/4 cups Sorghum Flour Blend
1/2 tsp. xanthan gum
3/4 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt

Beat palm shortening and cashew butter together until fluffy. Add the sugars and beat until well blended. Add the egg and the vanilla, beat well. Sift the dry ingredients together and add, beating until well blended. Shape dough into 1" balls (roll in sugar, if desired). Place 2" apart on a greased cookie sheet. Crisscross cookies with the tines of a fork. Bake at 375 degrees for 10 minutes, until bottoms of cookies are lightly browned. Cool one minute on the baking sheet before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.

Pesto-Crusted Chicken

This is one of my favorite recipes. The leftover chicken makes a great topping for salad, and any extra pesto sauce can be thinned with olive oil and a little lemon juice to dress the salad. The girls like their leftovers as chicken salad, the pesto gives it a nice flavor.

1 cup GFCF Spinach or Swiss Chard Pesto
1/2 cup walnut meal or GFCF breadcrumbs
4 tbsp. fresh lemon juice, divided
4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
olive oil for drizzling
salt and pepper to taste
lemon wedges to serve

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Coat an 8x8" baking dish with olive oil. Arrange chicken in the baking dish.

Whisk together pesto, ground walnuts or breadcrumbs, and 2 tbsp. lemon juice. Thin with olive oil if needed. Coat chicken with pesto mixture and drizzle with olive oil. Bake chicken until cooked through, about 30 minutes.

Remove chicken to serving dish. Whisk 2 tbsp. lemon juice into the juices in the baking dish. (You can strain the juices here and discard the solids if desired.) Season sauce with salt and pepper to taste. Spoon sauce over chicken and serve with lemon wedges.

Mock Buttercream Frosting

This is a basic "buttercream" frosting. You can add a little more vanilla extract to make it a little extra special tasting.

1/3 cup palm shortening or Earth Balance margarine
3 cups powdered sugar
2 tbsp. rice milk plus more for thinning
2 tsp. vanilla extract

Beat palm shortening at high speed with an electric mixer until fluffy. Add 1 cup of powdered sugar and beat. Add a tablespoon or so of rice milk and the vanilla extract and beat utnil well blended. Beat in the remaining sugar 1/2 cup at a time until all the sugar has been used, thinning with rice milk as necessary until a nice thick frosting consistency is reached.

*For chocolate buttercream frosting, sift 1/3 cup cocoa powder into the powdered sugar before beating it into the shortening.

About Arrowroot, Cornstarch, Potato Starch, Tapioca and Sweet Rice flours

So far, this is what I have learned (via trial and error) about the different starch flours used in gluten free flour blends. When a flour mix calls for cornstarch flour, you can safely substitute arrowroot flour (which is my preference). Often there is a mix of arrowroot/cornstarch and tapioca flours in a flour blend, but if there is just one, you can substitute tapioca for arrowroot/cornstarch and vice versa. I cannot find sweet rice flour (another thickener) anywhere locally, but where some recipes have called for them, I have used tapioca flour and it's been just fine. I've also substituted cornstarch for an equal mix of tapioca and potato starch flours. What I've learned NOT to do is substitute potato flour for potato starch!

Applesauce

Thanks to Julie for giving me this recipe years ago. It's one of my favorites. It's easy, made in the microwave, smells divine, and you can use either apples or pears. This sauce is chunky and is good by itself or served with just about anything.

6 cups tart baking apples, peeled, cored and sliced
1/2 cup water
1/4 - 1/2 cup white or brown sugar
1/4 - 1/2 tsp. cinnamon

Place apples in a 1 quart casserole. Pour water over apples (use less if you like a thick sauce). Combine sugar and cinnamon, sprinkle over apples and stir to combine ingredients. Cover and microwave on high 7-10 minutes or until apples are tender. Mash apples to desired consistency and serve warm or cool.

GFCF Chicken Nuggets

These are good...and much cheaper than store-bought gluten free chicken nuggets!

1/2 cup Chicken Nugget Coating Mix #1 or #2
1 egg mixed with 2 tbsp. rice or coconut milk
1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts or tenders
canola oil for frying*

Put chicken nugget coating mix in a quart sized resealable plastic bag. Heat a few tablespoons of canola oil in a frying pan (I like using cast iron).

Cut chicken into nugget sized pieces (or leave long and thin for tenders). Dip into egg/milk mix and place into bag with coating mixture. Seal bag and toss ingredients to coat well.

Method #1 - Fry chicken in hot oil a few minutes until lightly golden brown on one side, flip and repeat. Drain on paper towels and serve.

Method #2 - Flash fry chicken for only several seconds on each side in the hot oil. Remove to a baking sheet. (Chicken can be frozen at this point and baked at a later date.) Bake at 375 degrees for 20-30 minutes or until cooked through.

(Chicken flash-fried and waiting to be stored in the freezer for later.)

*You can skip the frying/flash frying part and just bake in the oven, but it tastes worlds better if you at least flash fry the nuggets. The coating will be a bit dry if just baked - it needs the added little bit of fat from the oil to taste really good.

GFCF Chicken Nugget Coating Mix (Corn Free)

It took me awhile to get this right...I really like the chili powder in this recipe.

1 1/2 cups rice flour
1 cup crushed rice cereal (can be omitted)
1/2 cup potato flour
2 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. chili powder (or more to taste)

Sift all ingredients until well blended. Store in an airtight container in a cool, dry place. Use quickly or store in the refrigerator for longer shelf life.

GFCF Chicken Nugget Coating Mix

I really like the chili powder in this blend, although the potato flour adds a little something too.

1 1/2 cups rice flour
1 cup cornflake meal*
1/2 cup corn flour (not corn meal)
1/4 cup potato flour
2 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. chili powder (or more to taste)

Sift all ingredients until well blended. Store in an airtight container in a cool, dark place. Use it up fast or store it in the refrigerator to keep longer.

*To make cornflake meal, process gluten free cornflakes in a food processor until a coarse meal texture is achieved.

Bean Flour Blend

I use this blend almost exclusively for sandwich bread.

3 cups chickpea or garfava flour
1 cup sorghum flour
1 cup potato starch
1 cup tapioca starch

Sift all ingredients together until well-blended. Store in the refrigerator or freezer.

Perfect GFCF Sandwich Bread

I love baking bread with Bean Flour Blend. The bread texture turns out light and slightly spongy.Contrary to what you might be inclined to think, the bread does not taste very "beany", although the taste is very intriguing - in a good way. I like slices of bean bread slightly warmed in the toaster, although it does not have to be toasted to taste good. Although I really like chickpea flour in my bread, every other flour blend I've tried in this recipe turns out great.

2 1/2 cups GF flour blend
2 tbsp. sugar
2 tsp. xanthan gum
3/4 tsp. salt
2 or 3 tbsp. flax seed meal, if desired
1 3/4 tsp. quick rise yeast (or 1 1/2 tsp. if using a bean flour blend)
2 large eggs
1 tsp. rice vinegar
3 tbsp. canola oil
1 cup warm water (plus a tbsp. or so more if using flax seed meal)

Sift together the flour mix, sugar, xanthan gum and salt, set aside.

Whisk together the water, eggs, canola oil and rice vinegar.

*For the bread machine, add the wet ingredients to the bottom of the pan. Add dry ingredients, covering the wet ingredients completely. Make a small well in the center and add the yeast. Set the bread machine to the gluten free setting and press start. I always help the bread mix with a spatula, and after it's done mixing I smooth out the top because the dough tends to dome in the center. After the bread has finished baking, remove immediately from the pan to a wire rack.

**To bake in the oven, mix the yeast in with the dry ingredients. Add the wet ingredients slowly while mixing and beat until blended. Scrape batter into a greased non-stick loaf pan. Cover with plastic wrap, let rise 45 minutes or until it rises to the top of the pan. Bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes. Cover with tin foil if needed and bake another 15-20 minutes. The bread is done when it sounds hollow when tapped. Turn bread out of loaf pan and cool completely on a wire rack.


***Gluten free breads are like batter breads, they don't need to be kneaded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This recipe works great in my Breadman Pro. For those using the Cuisinart Convection bread machine, making these adjustments will be helpful:

3 cups GF flour blend of your choice
2 tbsp. sugar
2 tsp. xanthan gum
1 tsp. salt
2 or 3 tbsp. flax seed meal OR 1/3 - 1/2 cup walnut meal
2 tsp. quick rise yeast
2 large eggs
1 tsp. rice vinegar
3 tbsp. canola oil
1 1/4 cups warm water (plus a tbsp. or so more if using flax seed meal)

All Purpose Rice Flour Blend

This is your basic all purpose flour blend. I don't use it too much, but it is nice for a savory No Roll Pie Crust.

2 cups rice flour
2/3 cup potato starch
1/3 cup tapioca flour

Sift together all ingredients until well blended. Store in the refrigerator or freezer.

About Xanthan Gum

Xanthan gum is used to replace the gluten in gluten free recipes. It acst as a binding agent so whatever you bake does not crumble into pieces. Too much makes a baked product slimy. If a recipe does not specify how much xanthan gum to add to a flour mix or if you are winging it and making up your own recipe, you can follow this guide - for each cup of gluten free flour mix you use in a recipe, add:

1 to 1 1/2 tsp. for cakes and quick breads
2 tsp. for breads or pizza crusts
none or 1/2 to 1 tsp. for cookies

Guar gum can be used in place of xanthan gum. Use the same amount of guar gum as you would use xanthan gum.

Locked and Loaded

This realization has been dawning on me for a few days - the diet seems to be moderating many of Anna's sensory issues. In addition to her resistance to light touch easing, Anna is ... getting dizzy! Anna never used to get dizzy. She could spin herself or have someone swing her around and around for minutes on end and she'd never get dizzy. DH and I always joked that she'd make a great astronaut. Yesterday, however, she was twirling around in the kitchen and she actually lost her balance and bashed up against the refrigerator. DH and I were slack-jawed. Anna has also always hated having her feet off the ground, especially on swings. She hates the big platform swing her occupational therapist makes her sit on and she hates to swing on her belly on the swings at the park. But today, we went to the park and she got on her belly on the swing without prompting. She kicked to make herself swing high without freaking out about her feet being off the ground. She was laughing and actually enjoying it.

It's strange, but I feel like Anna's different therapies have locked and loaded...speech and social skills therapies, occupational therapy and diet are gears that now fit together and are working in sync to allow Anna to really take off. The fog is clearing. I didn't understand how a diet change could have an effect this profound until a friend spelled it out for me last night. If the food you eat makes your body feel bad and is damaging your digestive system, it will concentrate all it's energy on trying to heal the gut, which leaves less energy for the brain. Brain fog happens when your body is busy doing damage control.

More and more over the past month, instead of watching Anna have her "autism moments", I'm watching her act more and more like a typical child. It's really mind-blowing. It's like I'm watching her emerge from a crusty old cocoon. The Anna that's emerging is bright-eyed and engaged . I'm going to have to get to know the new Anna. It's something I'm really looking forward to.

Potato flour vs. Potato starch

I made the mistake of substituting potato flour for potato starch in a flour mix for bread I just made. Big mistake. The bread mix soaked up twice as much water as it should have and my bread was a flop. It rose just fine, and looked like it baked just fine. But when I took it out of the pan, it was very heavy and I could tell the inside was soggy and wet. No amount of extra baking will help that bread. It's disappointing, it's the first flop I've had in my GF baking experiments. Now I know better. Potato starch is not the same thing as potato flour! I will not make that mistake again.

Sorghum Chickpea Blend

This flour blend is really good to use in cookie and pie crust recipes.

3 cups sorghum flour
2 cups chickpea flour
1 cup potato starch
1 cup tapioca starch

Sift all ingredients together until well blended. Store in the refrigerator or freezer.

GFCF Sugar Cookie Cutouts

These cookies are really good, in fact people have told me that they are better than the "real thing". The dough is very easy to work with and not crumbly! .

1 cup rice flour
1/2 cup tapioca starch
1 cup arrowroot flour
1 tsp. baking powder
2 1/2 tsp. xanthan gum
1 tsp. salt
1 cup sugar
1 cup palm shortening
1 egg
1 tsp. lemon, orange, or almond extract, or 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1/4 tsp. nutmeg, if desired

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Whisk first 6 ingredients together.

Beat sugar and palm shortening together until light and fluffy. Beat in egg until combined. Add lemon extract and mix well. Add dry ingredients and mix until large clumps form and dough comes away from the sides of the bowl.

Place half the dough onto a heavily floured surface (I used potato flour). Knead once or twice, then place wax paper over the dough. Roll to 1/4" thickness and cut into desired shapes. Places shapes onto cookie sheet that has been coated with cooking spray. Decorate with colored sugar (or frost after cookies have been baked and cooled).

Bake 10-12 minutes until edges are very lightly golden and bottoms are very lightly browned. Cool on wire rack. Repeat with remaining dough.

Spinach Pesto

This is so good, you won't even miss the parmesan cheese. Try it on pasta or add it to chicken salad for extra zing, or throw some into sandwich bread as a sneaky food.

6 cups fresh baby spinach, washed and dried
1/4 cup pine nuts
1/4 cup chopped walnuts
3 large cloves chopped garlic
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 - 3/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
2 tsp. dried basil

Process all ingredients together in a food processor until smooth. Start with 1/2 cup olive oil and add more as needed until desired consistency is reached. Adjust salt to taste. Enjoy!

Claiming What's Mine

I’ve always felt like Megan was mine. Mommy’s Girl. She was born far away from family, so I didn’t have to share her like I shared Anna. And frankly, that was okay with me. Megan was mine, all mine, and probably that helped me deal with the fact that Anna didn’t seem connected to me. However, Anna has always shared a sort of connection with her father. He and Anna are two peas-in-a-pod, always have been and probably always will be. And that’s okay. But I felt left out in the cold. It’s hard to feel a connection to someone who can’t or won’t connect with you physically or emotionally.

However, since implementing the GFCF diet, I’m seeing all these recent changes in Anna, and she’s responding to me and connecting to me in such a way I had always hoped for and wanted. DH tells me that lately when he asks Anna at bedtime what her favorite part of the day was, she says “Mommy”. I’m surprised and ecstatic over this. And she’s showing me in her own way that she really is fond of me.

Anna has never been one for light touch. She’s always pushed away and not ever willingly held my hand or cuddled up to me. But just a couple of days ago, Anna grabbed my hand to hold it while we walked along the sidewalk. She held my hand the whole time we were walking while Megan rode her bike in front of us. At first I was afraid to breathe and disturb the magic, but she seemed so comfortable and close and happy to hold my hand. And by the end of our walk, it felt natural and I was sad to break the bond when it was time to go inside.

Other more subtle changes are happening too. Anna has been sitting beside me lately and letting me put an arm around her shoulders. She keeps running over to me, looking me in the eye and saying relevant stuff. Like the day of the hand-holding, she ran over to me with a block and said it was a mushroom, that it was dirty and she needed to wash it. She didn’t run off until I agreed that it was dirty and needed a good washing (only later did I realize that I had inadvertently given her permission to go play in the bathroom sink). Then later she swiped a GF cornbread muffin from the counter and said "I need some cornbread!". What could I say except “Yes, you do!”.

I’ve been more or less flabbergasted at the changes the diet has produced. I was a skeptic before, but I’m not a skeptic now. I don’t know how it works and right now, I’m not sure I care. I’m too busy basking in the gaze of my oldest daughter.

Now I feel that both my daughters are mine. It’s a great feeling. I am going to enjoy this and squeeze every single last bit of joy out of it as I can.

White Bean Dip with Sage

This is my favorite dip, but Anna has been known to scarf it up like there's no tomorrow! We like this best with veggies or chips.

2 cans white beans (cannellini or great northern), drained
OR 3 cups white beans you have cooked yourself
1 large clove garlic, chopped
2 tbsp. olive oil
1 tbsp. fresh lemon juice
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. dried, rubbed sage
1/4 tsp. pepper

Process all ingredients in a food processor until smooth. Adjust lemon juice and salt to taste. If using beans you have cooked yourself, adjust olive oil to reach desired consistency.

Turkish Red Pepper Spread

This is so good it's hard not to inhale it all in one sitting. We like it served with crackers, bread or chips. It would make an excellent spread for a sandwich, too. The original recipe can be found here.

1/4 cup chopped walnuts
one 7oz jar roasted red peppers, drained
1/2 cup fresh gluten free breadcrumbs
1 large clove chopped garlic
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
1 1/2 tsp. cumin
salt to taste

Process all ingredients in food processor until smooth. Adjust thickness with olive oil as desired.

Anna's Hummus

This has been one of our favorite recipes for years. It was one of the only foods Anna would eat when her diet was extremely self-limited, and it's still something she loves to eat today. It's a great protein source and good by itself (Anna prefers to eat hers with a spoon), with vegetables, crackers, chips or bread, in sandwiches, or even on pizza instead of red sauce.

1 can undrained chickpeas - drain and reserve liquid
1 can drained chickpeas
*OR 3 cups dried chickpeas you have cooked yourself*
2 cloves minced chopped garlic
1/3 cup tahini
1/3 cup fresh lemon juice
1/3 cup olive oil
2 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. dried parsley

Process all ingredients in a food processor until smooth. Start with smaller amounts of lemon juice and olive oil; adjust lemon juice and olive oil to taste. Add the reserved chickpea liquid as needed to reach desired consistency. If using chickpeas you have cooked yourself, add a little water as desired to thin the mixture a bit.

Hugs and Kisses

Anna hugged me this morning. A real hug - not the passive, arms down, face turned away, I'll-let-you-hug-me type of "hug". I asked her for a hug, and she opened her arms wide, put them around me, and gave me a small squeeze. And then she gave me a kiss.

I'm not sure I can describe my excitement over this. Unless you've been touched by autism and felt a certain rejection every time your child pushes away from you physically and emotionally, you may think I'm over-reacting. But this morning I was so happy I could have cried. It felt like there should have been fireworks in the sky, cheerleaders cavorting, angelic horns blowing in heaven. Instead, I hugged and kissed her back, smiled, and said thank you. And she smiled back at me.

Moments like this are much better than words can ever describe. Jaw-dropping moments like this keep happening since we started the GFCF diet. It's the strangest thing, but since we started the diet a month ago, I've watched in awe as Anna has slowly emerged from a type of fog, like she's slowly coming out from behind a sheer curtain. She's been in speech and occupational therapies for a year, and she's been in a fabulous special preschool for children with ASD since September, and she's made awesome, steady progress - the kind that makes me want to do backflips because she's in such a different, better place now than she was before starting these therapies a year ago. But nothing has had quite the same effect as the diet has had so far. Let me explain.

At first, removing gluten, casein, peanut and soy from Anna's diet produced extreme crankiness on her part. She was irritable, defiant, and seemed agitated more than usual for about a week. She transitioned to the food substitutions quite well, thankfully. Into week two, her irritability and behavior improved. There were moments of lucidity and connection during the second week. One day during that second week, she ran past me as I read on the couch. Then she stopped and looked at me. The curtain was parted. Her eyes locked on mine and she asked if I was reading. I said yes. Then I held my breath because she was still standing there...standing still, looking into my eyes. I showed her my book and said I was reading lots of words in my book, and would she like to read words someday soon too? She said "yes!". I said okay, we will work on teaching you how to read words. She was still looking at me...and then the curtain closed. She closed her eyes and in typical random, off-topic fashion, she switched gears and began to sing to herself, and then she ran off into the other room. But for me, that moment was dramatic. It was the first sign I had that the diet was working.

There have been other small signs later in the second week and into this third week and they have begun to accumulate faster. Her eye contact has improved for all interactions, not just for conversations. She seems more at peace inside herself, less wound-up, less antagonistic toward her surroundings - like she is not physically or subconsciously constantly pushing away from everyone and everything. She began to take turns playing with her sister, and her imaginative social play has increased. Her language and communication has improved and she is better at sustaining conversations. Her joint attention is improving. She is starting to make inferences and having "aha!" moments when she understands a concept.

On a personal level, I feel that she is beginning to connect to me more. I don't feel so removed from her. She looks at me more, she responds to me with an open, relaxed look on her face and more than ever, she is smiling at me. Last week, I was saying goodbye to her as she was leaving for school. Usually she runs off after her father with her head down, but instead she was looking up at me as if she was waiting for something. I got down and gave her a hug and a kiss. She walked down the stairs but she was still making eye contact. Delighted, I said "I love you, Anna, have a good day at school". She said "I love you Mommy". I waved. She waved back. She did not break eye contact until she had passed out of sight. That was huge, it was a connection, and it's been continuing.

Which brings me back to this morning's hug. I'm getting to know my Anna. The fog is lifting, the curtain is parting, and she's letting me in...or coming out. Either way, it's great.