Anna Starts School

Anna started kindergarten this past week. She's five years old, so cute and small in her school uniform. She loves wearing her uniform so much that she won't take it off after school. She loves her backpack too, and her new saddle shoes. She even let me put cute barrettes in her hair on the first day of school (although she came home without them).

A year ago, DH and I thought we might have to keep Anna back a year and not start kindergarten until she turned 6 years old, to give her time to catch up to her peers in speech and social skills and attending ability. But intellectually, she was ready to go at five years old. And her school is amazing. She's plugged in already, she loves it, they understand her needs - speech, social, and sensory. They even understand her diet. I'm totally comfortable with her there, knowing I'm leaving her in good hands.

And Anna is getting so big. I just can't believe she's five and in kindergarten. Her language keeps exploding in increments - it exploded again over vacation after 6 months on the diet, and it is exploding yet again since the start of school last week. She's growing like a weed, it's unbelievable. She's packed on weight and gotten tall, to the point of being surprising. She's eating so much better now. I can't count her ribs anymore, either front or back. She feels solid now instead of fragile. Even her feet look big to me. Everything about her is just sprouting up and away. It's to the point of being a little disarming - who is this child? This chatterbox who tells me stories about crickets in spaceships, who corrects my choice of words if they do not describe something exactly right, this girl who rides her own emotional roller coaster that she can now tell me a bit about? I am starting to relax out of ASD diagnosis-induced freak-out mode and watching her grow into herself. She's taking a hold of her own steering wheel and I can relax a little for now. And I gotta say, the view from here is pretty nice.

You know, instead of being sad on her first day of kindergarten, I was happy for Anna. She was so happy to go to school, all smiles in her uniform and backpack that is a little too big for her. She was excited to play with new friends, have girls in her class, have a new teacher, and do science in the learning garden. I dropped her off at school on that first day, and with only a twinge of sadness, I sent out a thought to her - "Go, be yourself".

GFCF Sandwich Wraps

I'm so excited! Did you hear me? I'M SO EXCITED! Seriously, seriously excited. We have been gluten and casein (and soy) free for months - but I've been cheating. I love sandwich wraps with a passion, so I've had a few here, and a few there. The problem with that is, the longer I'm GFCF, the more it hurts to cheat. I just can't do it anymore. And there is nothing, nothing gluten and casein free you can buy that replicates a good sandwich wrap. Those rice tortillas don't work, they split open and all the contents of your lunch spill out all over the plate. But these sandwich wraps are so awesome, they are flexible and they roll and they keep their contents to themselves. And what's even better than that is, they taste more than fabulous. They taste SO much better than those boring gluten-filled flour wraps ever tasted. I'm being serious. I've made both sun-dried tomato and spinach wraps and they are worlds tastier than the old, tired tomato or basil flour wraps that are sold in stores. And what's almost even better than the way these GFCF sandwich wraps taste is how easy they are to make! I think they take 10 minutes to prepare, 10 minutes to spread, then 10 minutes to bake...and in about a half an hour, you have enough sandwich wraps for 4 people, or 4 days if you don't want to share. And you might not...I would not blame you. They are that good. Anna likes them, however, so I share them.

I think various versions of gluten free sandwich wraps have been floating around for some time, but I chose to follow Gluten Free Gobsmacked's recipe as my guide. Most important, I kicked out the casein. I also played with the method, but you should check out the recipe that inspired me here.

If you want a plainer wrap, see here for an Herbed Sandwich Wrap.

Ingredients for Sun-Dried Tomato Wraps
1/4 cup sorghum flour
1/4 cup quinoa flour
1/4 cup potato starch
1/4 cup tapioca starch
OR substitute 1 cup High Protein Flour Blend for the above flours
1 tbsp. sugar
2 tsp. xanthan gum
1 3/4 tsp. rapid rise yeast
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tbsp. dried minced onion, rehydrated
1 tbsp. olive oil
generous 1/3 cup purchased sun-dried tomato pesto OR fresh marinated tomatoes
1/2 - 3/4 cup water

Ingredients for Spinach Wraps
Follow the recipe above, except using these substitutes:
1 tsp. dried basil instead of oregano
1 minced clove garlic instead of dried onion
generous 1/3 cup Spinach Pesto instead of sun-dried tomato pesto

Method for GFCF Sandwich Wraps
Whisk together the dry ingredients up to and including the salt. Place in a food processor. Add the rehydrated onion (or minced garlic), olive oil and pesto. Turn the processor on and add 1/2 cup of water in a small stream. The mixture should look pretty wet. Wait a minute as it will firm up slightly, then add a little more water if needed to make the batter thin-ish, but not runny. As you will be smoothing the batter onto a cookie sheet with a spatula into a thin layer, take a bit of the batter between two fingers and feel it. If it feels like it will spread nicely with a little help with your spatula, you are done. The batter should look like this:


Now, line two cookie sheets with parchment paper. Lightly spray the parchment paper with cooking spray. Divide the batter between the two cookie sheets. It should look like this:


Flatten the batter a bit, then spray lightly with cooking spray. Patiently spread the batter with a spatula into a thin rectangle. If the batter tears open into little holes or wants to come away on the spatula, spray the spatula with a little cooking spray and continue spreading.


You can trim the edges of the rectangle if you want, but it's not necessary. The edges will get a little brown and crispy anyway.


Bake wraps at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes. They should look lightly browned but not crispy.

Now, this is fun: just take the wrap, lift it off of the parchment paper, and lay it on a wire rack to cool. It's very flexible, and it won't tear.


Cool and cut each wrap in half for 4 wraps. Store in a baggie on the counter for up to 3 days.

So far, my favorite wrap filling is Cilantro Pesto, deli turkey and spring greens. Yum!

Cilantro Pesto

I love what cilantro and lime juice do to my taste buds. Here is a pesto that makes my taste buds come alive. Even Anna likes it. She likes this pesto so much, she begs for it and eats it straight from a bowl with a spoon. And a bonus? Cilantro is supposed to be a natural chelator (see here and here). Who knew?

2 cups packed cilantro, large stems removed
1/2 cup walnuts
2 cloves chopped garlic
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 - 1/3 cup olive oil, depending on desired consistency
2 - 3 tbsp. freshly squeezed lime juice, depending on taste

Blend all ingredients in a food processor until combined, about 30 seconds. Serve with chicken, fish, shellfish, chips, pasta...or whatever your taste buds desire. It's also good in sandwich bread as a sneaky food!

Spicy Black Bean Burgers

This recipe comes from Bon Apetite. I changed just a couple of things about it because I did not have the ingredients called for immediately on hand, and it still came out really good. I served these black bean cakes to friends for dinner and they got great reviews. They'd be good with a little bit of cilantro pesto drizzled on top, too.

2 15 ounce cans black beans, drained well
1/4 cup chopped fresh chives
1/2 cup finely chopped red, yellow or orange pepper
2 - 3 tbsp. fresh lime juice, depending on taste
2 large cloves minced garlic
2 - 3 tsp. green pepper sauce, such as Tabasco (or 1 tbsp. minced jalapeno pepper)
2 tsp. ground cumin
1 large egg
2 - 3 tbsp. cornmeal, plus 1 cup for coating
canola oil for frying
purchased fresh pico de gallo or purchased salsa

Drain beans and place them in a large bowl. Coarsely mash with a hand masher. Mix in chives through cumin. Season to taste with salt and pepper, adjust pepper sauce as desired. Mix in egg and 2 tbsp. cornmeal.

Place 1 cup of cornmeal in a smaller bowl. Drop heaping tablespoons of bean mix into the cornmeal, turning to coat. Drop into hot oil that has been heated on a skillet and flatten into 1/2 inch cakes. Fry until firm and crisp, adding more oil as needed, about 5 minutes on each side. Transfer to platter and serve warm with pico or salsa, or drizzle cilantro pesto over top before serving.

Blueberry Buckle

This blueberry buckle is so good! It is heavenly straight out of the oven and it's excellent the next morning as well. My kids are a little iffy about coffeecake, but they really enjoyed this. I've adapted the recipe from Cooking Light.

Topping:
2 tbsp. All Purpose Flour Blend
3 tbsp. brown sugar
1/4 tsp. cinnamon

Cake:
1 1/4 cups All Purpose Flour Blend
1 1/4 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. xanthan gum
1/2 tsp. ground ginger
1/8 tsp. salt
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup coconut oil
1 tsp. vanilla
1 large egg
1/2 cup rice milk
1 1/2 cups fresh blueberries, washed and dried

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9 inch round cake pan with cooking spray, set aside.

Combine the topping ingredients, set aside.

Sift together the flour through the salt, set aside. In a large bowl, beat together the coconut oil through the egg. Add the flour mixture alternately with the rice milk, beating well after each addition. Pour the batter into the prepared cake pan. Sprinkle blueberries evenly over the top of the batter and sprinkle the topping evenly over the blueberries. Bake 50 minutes to one hour or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack. Cut into wedges and serve warm or at room temperature.

A Glimpse at "Mild" ASD

When I get brave enough to mention, as needed, that Anna has ASD, I often get strange looks. People look at Anna, then look at me like I have two heads, and say something like "well, it must be MILD". Those comments are probably meant to be nice but they incredibly dismissive. I wish I could give people my eyes and my ears and my heart for awhile, so they could see what "mild" ASD looks like.

"Mild" ASD at 3 years old was Anna screeching at other children because she did not know how to talk to them. It was Anna not able to sit still for more than a minute at a time. It was Anna jumping, stomping and throwing herself against floors and walls day in and day out. It was Anna biting herself out of frustration over not being able to communicate. It was Anna shrieking and sobbing and running away when children approached her to play. It was Anna looking at us blankly and repeating the last few words of our sentences, or it was Anna scripting lines from videos when someone tried to talk to her. It was Anna running in circles or spinning herself in place. It was Anna hoarding books of similar size and shape, lining them up in a row on the floor without reading them, and then freaking out when someone disturbed them. After a year and a half of speech therapy, occupational therapy and social skills training, and 6 months of the GFCF diet, I'll give you a glimpse of what "mild" ASD looks like for Anna at 5 years old.

While on vacation, the girls and I spent 5 days with my best friend and her two children, ages 5 and 2 1/2. Anna and E are the same age, born just three months apart. The first day we were there, Anna and E were jazzed about being together. Anna is more passive and was happy to let E take the lead in what to do and where to go. So they got along well and I have some very sweet pictures of them sitting side by side on the couch reading together.

The second day we were there, E was the flower girl in a wedding. She came home and gave Anna a spare flower girl dress. They pranced around together and we snapped pictures of them. E was smiling big for the camera and hugging Anna close. Anna was closing her eyes and looking away while holding herself stiffly and pulling away from E slightly, uncomfortable with the hugs.

After that, their interactions got more interesting. I could see that E got more and more frustrated and testy with Anna. Anna would not jump into the pool and get her head wet. Anna did not want to ride a big girl bike. Anna could not haul herself up on the trapeze swing or pump her legs to swing herself on the swingset. Anna was quiet and didn't respond to many of E's requests. When she did talk, her sentence structure was awkward - she spoke differently and sounded younger. I heard E trying to sort out what the problem was.

"Mommy, why won't Anna look at me when I talk to her?"

"Why won't Anna talk to me when I talk to her?"

"Why won't Anna play with me when I ask her to?"

"Anna, why don't you get that? It's so obvious!"

"Anna, what is your problem?!"

I intervened at that last comment. But I cannot blame E for her frustration. I get frustrated too, and I'm Anna's mom. I tried breaking ASD down in terms E could understand and told her that Anna has a hard time with loud noises and a hard time talking with other children. E nodded and accepted this, but I could see that it was still difficult for her to interact with Anna. And Anna is high functioning. And E is only 5 years old.

I was telling my sister-in-law about these interactions. She asked me if watching them made me sad. I said no, because it has not hit Anna yet. E's frustration went mostly over Anna's head. But Anna will become aware, and it will hit her, and when it does it will be hard for me to watch. Until then, there is too much work to be done to waste energy feeling sad. Anna is high functioning, but not enough so to fly under the radar. I will not let anyone's dissuading opinion lull me into inertia. You may look at Anna and think that because she's not having difficulty at that moment you can see, that her ASD is "mild". But I think that when 5 year old peers pick up on Anna's difficulties and start dissecting them, that is not mild. The future effects of ridicule and social ostracization will not be mild. If Anna's difficulties are not addressed now, the consequences down the road - low self-esteem, low self-confidence, self-doubt, depression, anxiety - will not be mild. Would I not be irresponsible to discontinue finding ways to help her? As her mom, how can I just throw her into the wind and hope it all works out, when I know there are steps to take to help her achieve her fullest potential?

I leave you with two thoughts from Temple Grandin. I hope they are illuminating for you. For me they are a good solid kick in the pants.

"At puberty, fear became my main emotion. When the hormones hit, my life revolved around trying to avoid a fear-inducing panic attack. Teasing from other kids was very painful, and I responded with anger. I eventually learned to control my temper, but the teasing persisted, and I would sometimes cry. Just the threat of teasing made me fearful; I was afraid to walk across the parking lot because I was afraid somebody would call me a name." Temple Grandin, Thinking in Pictures page 90

"Hans Asperger stated that normal children acquire social skills without being consciously aware because they learn by instinct. In people with autism, 'Social adaptation has to proceed via intellect'. Jim...an autistic graduate student...made a similar observation. He stated that people with autism lack the basic instincts that make communication a natural process. Autistic children have to learn social skills systematically, the same way they learn their school lessons." Temple Grandin, Thinking in Pictures page 155

Cod and Potato Pancakes

I love these potato pancakes. They are so simple, and oh so good. This is my favorite way to eat cod. I can't remember where this recipe is from, probably from one of my mom's old beat up cookbooks. The original recipe calls for flour and butter, which I have substituted with rice flour and canola oil. They'd be good with applesauce but honestly, I can't wait that long to be so polite. As soon as the first few come off the frying pan I've got one flipping from hand to hand to help facilitate cooling, and then it's eaten steaming hot standing next to the stove while the rest of them cook. These little beauties are that good.

3/4 pound cod, finely chopped
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1 1/2 cups grated raw potato (about 3 medium)
1 small finely chopped onion
2 tbsp. rice flour
1 tbsp. dried parsley
1/8 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
canola oil for frying

Combine the cod through the onion. With a fork stir together the rice flour through the pepper and add to the cod mixture, stirring well. Heat canola oil in skillet over medium-low heat. Drop mixture into the skillet by tablespoonfuls, flattening into pancakes. Cook about 4 minutes on each side until golden brown. Drain on paper towels and keep warm in a 250 degree oven until ready to serve (if they make it that long).

Pulling Loose Thoughts Together

Megan is potty trained at just after 3 years old. She is officially in underwear day and night and keeping them clean and dry. I am breathing a surprised sigh of relief - I thought potty training her might be as hard as potty training Anna, who was not fully trained until almost 4 years old (the sensory side of ASD complicating things for her there). However, the pediatrician has recommended keeping Megan regular with Miralax for the near future. She's had a bout of control issues complicated by...rectal strep, which has been painful for her. Yes, that's right. Go look it up, I don't want to describe it here. Suffice to say, I'd never heard of such a thing - but it's treated the same way strep throat is, so she's on antibiotics now. I swear, parenting Megan is so different from parenting Anna that I may as well not had the benefit of being a mom the first time around!

So Megan is potty trained and has insisted on wearing underwear at naptime and bedtime. She's also declared herself done with her bed rail. She tells me no to almost everything - "I do it myself!", she says, yanking her hand away from mine and turning away from me. She wants to be a big girl just like her sister. This is a good thing, but sad too. My baby is growing up.

Before we went on vacation, the girls went to summer camp. They ended up having a great time, and the very sweet lead teacher fed my need for a run-down on how the girls did during the session. She told me delightful things, like Anna being very aware and motherly toward Megan. She said Anna would do her own thing, and periodically check back with Megan before continuing her thing. I love how she used the word "aware". The teacher also said that Megan, who I think was the youngest child there, did a great job of holding her own in a group of older children, mostly boys. The images I have in my mind's eye of my daughters are these: Anna, a blossoming flower raising her face upward into the sunshine and Megan, also blossoming but tenacious, digging her heels into the mud.

The thing I have been waiting for, the thing that most parents with older children on the spectrum probably dread, is happening. Megan has been catching up to Anna in language and imaginative play, and now she's turned the corner and is surpassing Anna in these areas. Also, not having sensory issues, Megan is braver and stronger than Anna and has done a good job this summer of shaming Anna into trying something she is afraid of. Take the pool, for instance. At first it was Anna in the pool, twirling in circles and kicking herself along the length of the pool aided by water wings and an inner tube. But by the end of our vacation, it was Megan jumping into the pool and getting her face wet. It was Megan swimming without the aid of the inner tube. There was Megan in her floatie suit and water wings, kicking and swimming on her own and getting all wet, and we were all clapping and cheering her on...and there was Anna in her tube, head dry, craving that attention for herself but too afraid to let go of her crutch. Eventually she did let go (screaming and holding onto DH like a little leech), and we clapped and cheered for her too. But if had not been for Megan's virtual shove, she'd still be shackled by her fear.

It was not our intention for Megan to be good therapy for Anna. When we got pregnant with Megan, Anna was just 14 months old and we were still blissfully unaware of her struggles. However, good therapy is what we have going on right here at home - Megan is accepting and understanding and forgiving of all Anna's quirks that other children zero in on. She plays with her, talks with her, shows her how to expand the boundaries of her imagination, fights with her, and makes her confront some of her fear. And in return, Anna makes sure that Megan is safe, that her boo-boos are kissed, that she knows she is missed, that she takes turns and shares and plays by the rules. They are good for one another, really. So opposite, so earnest, so loving. Hearing them play together and talk to one another is exquisite. Their conversation is meaningful, with barely a hint of echolalia to be heard. DH and I will catch them in conversation with one another and we will look at each other and say - we never get tired of listening to them simply talk.