Megan has been breaking things lately with regularity. I don't think she's doing it on purpose. I think she's trying to figure out how things work and she wants to do it herself. In the process, she doesn't play with toys the way they were meant to be played with, she takes them apart and then she loses the pieces. Also in this process, she is frustrating all the other members of the family.
Here are some recent examples of what I believe is a learning process (and not being bad or seeking negative attention). She took apart her Barbie Vet toy, interested in what it did and how it did it, but then lost most of the pieces to it. She took the ball out of Sugar's Crazy Circle chase toy to see if and how it would come out, but then she didn't put it back in and lost the ball. She got up on a bed and dropped Anna's snow globe from height, which shattered into a million pieces all over the floor. This was especially chaotic with Anna screaming in anger and Megan crying that she didn't mean to do it. (Really? You didn't mean to do it? What did you think was going to happen?) But my dad says she probably wanted to find out what the "snow" inside of the globe was and her curiosity overran her common sense. She keeps breaking headbands and I think this is because she's trying to see how far they will bend before they break. Similarly, she keeps pressing down on Sugar's back to see how far it will bend before Sugar squeaks. Or she used to do that before I told her if she kept doing that she'd break the cat and really hurt her. Broken toys are one thing, but we don't need a broken cat!
I really don't think Megan is doing these things to create chaos or be naughty. But she is creating chaos...glass smashes on the floor, Anna cries when her stuff is ruined, the cat runs away from her, toy parts get lost. Right now Megan just wants to disassemble things, she does not seem to be intent on putting them back together again.
This is frustrating for me. I am not like that. I've got the ADHD too but I was quiet - a reader, not a fixer. My dad is a fixer, though. I swear he can fix just about anything. He can see how things work, take them apart and put them back together, and build stuff out of nothing from just the pictures in his head. I have always admired that...the ingenuity, the creativity, the thinking outside of the box. While my dad and I are very similar, I didn't end up with that particular talent (my brother did though and oh, I'm so jealous). My dad says that Megan is displaying the same signs of his way of thinking and that the taking apart comes first - the putting back together comes later. He used to frustrate his mother too with the things he disassembled and reassembled just to see how they worked.
So, I have a daughter a lot like my father and I don't know quite what to do with that. I want to encourage her emerging talents, and I do think that Megan is in the process of thinking (outside of the box!) and learning, and finding her way. If she ends up being a fixer or a builder (or both!), I would really dig that. But I don't think like that, so I'm not sure how to guide her...other than to give her toys that are okay for her to break before she figures out how to fix them. And aligning her with a mentor. (Hey Dad, you have some homework to do when you come visit next!)
To the individual who told me to give Megan the summer to "mature" out of her ADHD...well, ADHD is not something you "grow out of". I should know. And you know what? I would not want that anyway...not for Megan, not for my dad, not for myself. ADHD might be challenging at times, but when harnessed and allowed room to grow, think and explore, it is a blessing. So there you go, Megan...you might be breaking things now, but you will be fixing things later. And I think that rocks.
Here are some recent examples of what I believe is a learning process (and not being bad or seeking negative attention). She took apart her Barbie Vet toy, interested in what it did and how it did it, but then lost most of the pieces to it. She took the ball out of Sugar's Crazy Circle chase toy to see if and how it would come out, but then she didn't put it back in and lost the ball. She got up on a bed and dropped Anna's snow globe from height, which shattered into a million pieces all over the floor. This was especially chaotic with Anna screaming in anger and Megan crying that she didn't mean to do it. (Really? You didn't mean to do it? What did you think was going to happen?) But my dad says she probably wanted to find out what the "snow" inside of the globe was and her curiosity overran her common sense. She keeps breaking headbands and I think this is because she's trying to see how far they will bend before they break. Similarly, she keeps pressing down on Sugar's back to see how far it will bend before Sugar squeaks. Or she used to do that before I told her if she kept doing that she'd break the cat and really hurt her. Broken toys are one thing, but we don't need a broken cat!
I really don't think Megan is doing these things to create chaos or be naughty. But she is creating chaos...glass smashes on the floor, Anna cries when her stuff is ruined, the cat runs away from her, toy parts get lost. Right now Megan just wants to disassemble things, she does not seem to be intent on putting them back together again.
This is frustrating for me. I am not like that. I've got the ADHD too but I was quiet - a reader, not a fixer. My dad is a fixer, though. I swear he can fix just about anything. He can see how things work, take them apart and put them back together, and build stuff out of nothing from just the pictures in his head. I have always admired that...the ingenuity, the creativity, the thinking outside of the box. While my dad and I are very similar, I didn't end up with that particular talent (my brother did though and oh, I'm so jealous). My dad says that Megan is displaying the same signs of his way of thinking and that the taking apart comes first - the putting back together comes later. He used to frustrate his mother too with the things he disassembled and reassembled just to see how they worked.
So, I have a daughter a lot like my father and I don't know quite what to do with that. I want to encourage her emerging talents, and I do think that Megan is in the process of thinking (outside of the box!) and learning, and finding her way. If she ends up being a fixer or a builder (or both!), I would really dig that. But I don't think like that, so I'm not sure how to guide her...other than to give her toys that are okay for her to break before she figures out how to fix them. And aligning her with a mentor. (Hey Dad, you have some homework to do when you come visit next!)
To the individual who told me to give Megan the summer to "mature" out of her ADHD...well, ADHD is not something you "grow out of". I should know. And you know what? I would not want that anyway...not for Megan, not for my dad, not for myself. ADHD might be challenging at times, but when harnessed and allowed room to grow, think and explore, it is a blessing. So there you go, Megan...you might be breaking things now, but you will be fixing things later. And I think that rocks.
6 comments:
Hi Erin, I love this post! It reminds me of a time when both of my boys loved disassembling all of their toys. The guns, to see what made the noise inside, the video game remote to see what was inside, etc. etc. My husband came up with a great plan. We went to a local second hand store and bought a bunch of electronics (some that didn't even work) and let them go to town! It lasted about 6 months and they moved on. Curiosity should be cultured not condemned. Keep it up!
Thanks, HBL!I love the second hand electronics idea. I am intimidated by electronics because I don't understand how they work at all, but if Megan can figure it out, then more power to her. :)
I was going to mention picking up stuff second-hand as well with some basic tools (like screwdriver). My MIL tells me of the time when my DH took apart their toaster and couldn't figure out how to put it back together again. So I'd rather it be something cheap that she breaks! Guess you have some Christmas ideas to float around too. :)
Hi Nicole, the tools are a good idea too! She loves to help DH with his little fix-it projects. Yes...Christmas should be interesting this year. :)
Hi Erin,
I just stumbled onto your site when I was looking for a recipe and I would love to tell you more about our son's situation. It's a long story but can be summed up as miracle. Our son HAD a ADHD, Asperger's, Autism, and PDD-NOS diagnosis that is until we went to the Brain Balance Center. Now, he is cured of ALL of these conditions. Although, we are still doing the special diet for him because we are unsure if we have gotten rid of the food sensitivities too. We did a second blood test over the summer and it said he shouldn't have a problem with wheat or dairy anymore but we want to give him to recover before we reintroduce those foods back into his diet. Just thought I would let you know there is a way to get rid of ADHD, it just takes a lot of hard work. (We had a neuropsych test done before Brain Balance and one after--all clean. And, he no longer has a dedicated para with him anymore. He goes to a Christian school all on his own, no support, and his doing great!)
Wow, Chrissme, your son had diagnoses of ADHD, AS, ASD and PDD-NOS? I am really happy for you that your son is doing better and can function without a para, that is really great. I hope you find some recipes here that you like. Thanks for stopping by!
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