Pasta with Creamy Pesto Sauce

(Pasta tossed with sauce - perfect kid food!)

I went grocery shopping the other day and noticed that prices have spiked. Cereal we used to buy for $4.29 is now $4.99 on sale. Meat and fish are $1 more expensive per pound. Produce prices are inching up too. I didn't buy the cereal...and declared to DH that in an effort to save a little money, we are going to have Meatless Mondays (and maybe Wednesdays too). At the very least, it will get the girls to expand their horizons a little more.

This week's first meatless entree is pasta with a creamy pesto sauce. I've wanted to "beef up" our pesto for awhile now - since going nut-free it's been thin (just herbs, garlic, olive oil, lemon juice, salt and pepper), which is fine for pizza but leaves something to be desired with pasta. So I threw in some white beans, which gave the sauce more body and made it creamy (without having to use dairy). The sauce ended up being kid-friendly and the girls really liked it!

Pasta with Creamy Pesto Sauce

8 oz. gluten-free pasta, such as Tinkyada
1/2 medium onion, diced
2 large cloves garlic
2 cups fresh basil, packed
1 cup cooked cannellini beans
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
2 tbsp. freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
Fresh basil leaves and cracked black pepper to serve

Bring a large pot of water to boiling. Add the pasta and cook until al dente. If using Tinkyada, boil the pasta for 1 - 2 minutes, then turn off the heat and cover. Let the pasta sit for 20 minutes, then drain - it will be perfectly cooked. Toss the pasta with a little olive oil if desired.

Meanwhile, saute the onion in 1 tbsp. olive oil until soft. Combine the cooked onion through the pepper in a food processor. Process until smooth, scraping down the sides once or twice. Adjust lemon juice, salt and pepper to taste.

Serve the pasta with the pesto sauce. Garnish with fresh basil and cracked black pepper, if desired. Serves 4, and there will be sauce left over.

ode to my mom

My mom is seriously awesome. I called her tonight and it was late. She drops everything she might be doing to talk to me. She has always done that. When I need to talk, she is always there to listen. I still remember vividly...I called her when I was in college. That first semester was heinous...all the changes...as much as is was time for me to leave and spread my wings, I had a terrible time adjusting. So much so, that I broke out in hives because of the stress. That's the only time that's happened, and it was terrible. I called my mom around midnight out of distress. My mom...she is a saint. I've always thought so, but I knew for sure then...she stayed on the phone with me until 6am. Just talking. Listening. I remember long silences and bursts of conversation, but she did not hang up. She stayed on the phone with me until I was done. Until my roiling emotions were quiet enough for me to fall asleep. Nevermind her own need for sleep. I always think of that when I think of my mom. Who does that? Only a mom.

I called my mom again tonight. This time, it was because I was feeling crappy about the ADHD diagnosis. It was late again, time for sleep...but my mom never complains. She always listens. After talking with her, I felt better. I knew I would. I always do. She is what I aspire to...my mom is the kind of mom I want to be...I always want to listen. I always want to be there for my daughters. When they call, I want to answer. I want to stay up until 6am listening to them. Because what is more important in life that that? I just don't know. I'm not sure there is anything more important than that.

Onion Rings, Gluten Free & Vegan

I made onion rings for DH recently as a special snack while he was working from home late into the night. He about bowed down and kissed my feet - these onion rings get the DH stamp of approval. I did exactly the same thing with them as with Fried Pickles and they turned out just as crisp with a satisfying crunch. I don't know why it took me so long to try making them vegan - egg is simply not needed! I used rice flour this time but next time I'll try chickpea flour to see what happens!

1 large onion, cut into thick rounds
potato starch
full-fat coconut milk (not lite)
brown rice flour
canola oil for frying

Heat the canola oil over medium heat. While the oil is heating, separate the onion slices into individual rings. When the oil is hot (when a pinch of rice flour thrown into it sizzles), taking a few onion rings at a time, dredge each in potato starch to coat. Dip into the coconut milk, making sure all surfaces are wet. Then toss with rice flour to coat. Fry a few onion rings at a time, making sure they don't touch one another while frying or they will stick together. Fry a few minutes on each side, or until lightly browned. Drain on paper towels and season with salt and pepper. Repeat with remaining onion rings. Serve hot plain, with ketchup, or however you like!

(Sooooo yummy!)

Bits and Bobs

It's been a busy couple of weeks. After many months (almost a whole year) of Anna enduring post-nasal drip, a stuffy nose and a persistent cough without being able to pinpoint the culprit, I decided to rip out the carpet and refinish our hardwood floors. The only way I was able to convince DH that we needed to bite the bullet on this and just do it is to link the old carpet to Anna's respiratory woes. After a week of living without the carpet, DH and I agree that Anna is no longer snuffling and snorting. Score one for Mommy!

(We don't miss the carpet, but the cat sure does!)

So I am very happy to be rid of that old carpet. Ripping it up was a process! It was hot, heavy work, but it was worth it, and cathartic to sweep up and throw away the years of accumulated dirt that lay underneath it. Before we ripped it up, a friend convinced me to paint the bedrooms. What a good idea, I thought before I started. What a horrible idea! I thought as I was halfway through painting Megan's room. The guy at Lowe's told me this nifty painting edger was better than using painter's tape. Not having painted before, I listened to him thinking he knew better. Well he didn't. There is a reason professional painters use painter's tape! Painting Anna's room was much better with the help of a friend and painter's tape, and I got to slop paint all over the carpet with no regrets!

As I was busy moving furniture and books into the garage, painting bedrooms and helping DH rip up the carpet, I realized that the harder I worked, the better I felt. Right in the middle of painting with my friend, I told her I wanted to finish painting myself because it felt good to work hard (thanks for understanding, T!). I was tired, but my mind was not racing or drifting...it was focused. So exercise does help focus the ADHD mind (that old doctor is right!). I always knew that deep down without knowing what the issues really were. I've always enjoyed physical work but usually got teased for it because it's not especially girly. It seems like people think girls should go to the gym or do workouts with a video. I don't like those options because they are boring. But physical activity with practical purpose is something I enjoy. Which is one of the reasons I've always loved being in the kitchen.

So yes, it's really official - I saw the doctor who is as old as the hills last week and he says I truly do have ADHD. All the blood work came back normal (liver, thyroid, lead) and all the surveys and questionnaire results came back abnormal. He recommended medication. When I declined, he gave me a stern look and told me medication would make me a better wife and mother. I chose not to be offended because our age gap lends to differences in worldview. To placate him I said I would at least research the pros and cons of medication. Of course I have not done that yet. I'd rather approach this holistically. Because I'm bloody-minded like that. I'll do it my way at my own comfort level, thank you very much. Apparently this sort of attitude is normal for people with ADHD and generally, doctors consider this attitude to undermine possible treatment. I think it's just taking control of my situation. And that's where I am with that.

Yesterday I did a little baking and offered to let the girls help me. Megan turned out to be more interested than Anna was...she kept me company and wanted to be an active helper while Anna ran outside to play in the sandbox. Surprisingly, Megan's attention was focused on what we were doing for almost an hour. I think I'll take that and run with it. Maybe being busy in the kitchen will help her as much as it helps me.

The girls have also recently completed a round of swimming lessons. They learned how to swim and do some strokes last summer, but this summer we focused on floating and survival skills. With Anna's low muscle tone I thought it'd take her a long time to figure it out, but she got the hang of it within a week! She is so blissfully happy in the water. It took Megan two full weeks to get the hang of floating, mostly because she is stubborn and did not want to give up control. She actually yelled in anger and frustration at the teacher - I was mortified. But the teacher was unfazed and Megan finally got it. Now she wants to float all the time! The swim instructor has experience working with kids with special needs and says my girls will benefit from being on a swim team - especially Megan as swimming is very good for ADHD. Michael Phelps has ADHD, in fact. So swimming is the sport we'll settle on starting this fall.

(Belly flop - precursor to diving!)

The girls might share swimming as their sport but I think their other hobbies will be different. Megan can spend a long time drawing and creating art, long after Anna gets bored with it. In fact, if I don't give Megan time every day to draw, she gets cranky. Anna on the other hand is reading voraciously. If I don't give her quiet time to read every day, she gets cranky. Anna is not very interested in books that feature people as their main characters. I think she might have trouble following or being interested in the conversational prose. But she is all over books that feature animals as their main characters. Right now she is reading The Call of the Wild which my mom tells me is pretty advanced for her age (she'll turn 8 next month). She has White Fang waiting to read after that, and she's also working her way through Black Beauty. She's also absconded with DH's comic books - Calvin and Hobbes gets her into stitches. I went and bought her a little dictionary and I'm pretty sure she'll read it on her own...which is hilarious, because DH read through the encyclopedia when he was a kid!

Later this summer Anna will be attending a social skills day camp. I'm keeping Megan home with me - I think we'll be busy in the kitchen. That's it as far as summer activities go - aside from visiting school friends and hosting play dates, it will be a quiet summer. It's already going by really fast!

Produce from Our Garden

The heat is finally taking its toll on our little garden. We've had August temperatures in June and no matter how much we water the plants, they fry in the sun. We've had several days of triple digit heat already, and summer has just begun!

We managed to enjoy two months of greens before they bolted. DH planted some more seeds a couple of weeks ago, but the seedlings are suffering. I think we'll have to wait until September to plant greens again. But while we had them, they were delicious. Surprisingly, I really like the dandelion greens! I tried cooking them the same way as kale or mustard greens but they were much too bitter - as much as I hate the idea of boiling greens, dandelion greens really must be cooked that way. DH went and found a recipe at Epicurious for Sauteed Dandelion Greens and I was very surprised at how delicious were. First you boil them, then drain them and saute them in olive oil with garlic. To die for. And yes, I eat the leftovers for breakfast.

Our pepper plants are growing but not flowering and have not produced yet. But our cherry tomato plants are growing like gangbusters! I keep giving them away and they keep producing, they are the gift that keeps on giving. The plants are withering and turning yellow in the heat, but I think we'll get scads more tomatoes before the plants finally give up. We also have Early Girls in the garden but we only got a few tomatoes each from our two plants. Even so, they were divine simply graced with a little salt and pepper.

After a slow start, our cucumber plants got big and we have several pickling cukes on the vine. Anna goes crazy for those like she went crazy for the snap peas (which have shriveled up by now), and she also is humming with excitement over our two little Tendersweet watermelons. Those watermelon vines are threatening to take over our yard. They managed to escape through the fence to the alley, so our watermelons are sitting by the side of the street. I hope nobody decides to take them. Anna cannot wait for them to ripen and share them with friends.

We have several carrots that are not ready to pick yet and some beets as well. As far as our herbs, the rosemary, oregano and basil are doing the best. The chamomile bit the dust, which was not surprising. Via trial and error, we are learning which plants like to grow where, so next year's garden will be even better!

Garden Relish

This dish is made with the vegetables and herbs from our garden, with the exception of the garlic. I'll have to try growing garlic next year, after we make our garden bigger again! I made this last night with just the tomatoes and served it on top of sardines, it was quite good. I liked it so much that I made it again today and added cucumbers from our neighbor's garden and served it on top of millet burgers (without the hot sauce). It'd also be good served with fish or chicken or on top of pasta or rice.

large handful of cherry tomatoes, rinsed
1 large pickling cucumber, rinsed
several fresh basil leaves, rinsed
a couple of sprigs of parsley, rinsed
1 large clove garlic, minced
olive oil
splash of red wine vinegar
salt and pepper to taste

Chop the tomatoes into eights and place into a bowl. Cut the cucumber into quarters, then dice them and add them to the tomatoes. Shake the water off the basil and parsley, coarsely chop and add to the veggies in the bowl. Add the minced garlic, drizzle a couple of tablespoons of olive oil over all and add a splash of red wine vinegar. Toss to combine. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Serves 2.

Buckwheat Raisin Cookies

One of my favorite cookies has always been Oatmeal Raisin, and I've always added chocolate chips to the cookie dough (because life is better with chocolate!). I don't use oats anymore, preferring to use uncooked buckwheat hot cereal in its place (it has more character and a nifty crispy crunch), but you can use a cup to a cup and a half of gluten-free oats instead if you like. I've also cut way down on the sugar (traditional recipes call for at least twice the amount of sugar, which in my humble opinion makes the cookies far too sweet). These cookies are not vegan because of the honey, but maple syrup, agave syrup or brown rice syrup would be good vegan alternatives!

2 cups GF flour blend (I used this one)
1/2 tsp. xanthan gum, if desired
1 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. allspice
1/2 tsp. salt

1/2 cup canola oil
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup applesauce
1 tsp. vanilla

1/2 cup uncooked buckwheat hot cereal
generous 1/2 cup raisins
generous 1/2 cup chocolate chips

In a large bowl, whisk together the flour through the salt, set aside. In a medium bowl, whisk together the oil through the vanilla for one minute until smooth (it should look a little like caramel). Stir the wet mixture into the dry mixture until well-combined. Stir in the buckwheat, raisins and chocolate chips. Refrigerate the dough for a few hours or overnight.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Drop the dough by rounded teaspoonfuls onto the prepared baking sheet 2 inches apart. Bake about 10 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from the oven and let cool on the baking sheet for a minute, then remove the cookies to a wire rack to finish cooling. Makes about 2 dozen.

It's Official, More or Less

Livin' by the grace of God
at the pace of the Devil, life is hard, we speedballin'...

Ah good Lord, my soul is burnin', about to catch fire!
I'm overheated, about to catch fire - hah!
I can't help myself, I'm on fire!
I'm on fire!
Outkast, Speedballin'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The above lyrics illustrate how I feel like I lived all my life. For me, that's normal...all revved up inside...alive. But you wouldn't know it, really. I'm a good girl. Sweet. Quiet. Shy. Daydream-y. Hopeless at math but a good student otherwise. A fast reader, but it takes awhile to read as I have the tendency to drift off into my own thoughts while reading, which has me re-reading paragraphs and pages. I also have the tendency to drift off into my own thoughts in the middle of conversations with others. But that's normal. Doesn't everybody do that?

Apparently they don't, and that's not real normal. Neither is constantly shifting position in my seat, or bouncing my knee up and down, or tapping my pencil on the desk. In fact, if I have to sit still for any length of time without moving, I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. But I don't get up out of my seat constantly. I can sit, I just need to be moving a little bit. And when I'm thinking, I'm moving a lot. Even when I'm falling alseep, my foot is moving rhythmically (sorry, DH, I can see how that's distracting, but I don't realize I'm doing it). I don't talk a whole lot, preferring to read people and situations and stay quiet. But get me agitated and it's hard to shut me up. (Sorry again, DH.)

I really have lived my whole life flying by the seat of my pants. It's exhilarating, really. I do everything at the last minute in a state of high energy. It makes me feel alive, but it drives everybody else crazy. I'd apologize for that, but I'm tired of apologizing.

The other day I went to see a medical doctor who has decades of experience treating ADD/ADHD and in fact has ADHD himself. He's as old as the hills, so I guess that counts for something. He's probably seen it all. I went because I've been doing a lot of reading about ADD in order to understand Megan, and I saw a lot of myself in those descriptions. So I went with a pretty good idea of how it was going to go down. I already knew that was me too, though trying to convince my family was a little interesting. What, you? they said. But DH, he knew. He's been telling me that for a long time. I never took him totally seriously. Because I'm a good girl, a teacher's pet, smart, conscientious. I was never a behavior problem, never disruptive.

But I'm taking him seriously now. The doctor too. The old dude apparently read me in a minute, but only told me so halfway through the visit. I could tell, he said, by the way you are constantly moving. My foot was going. I thought about keeping still but thought, what the hell. It feels good to move, and he probably gets it. So the foot kept moving, more so as I was listening and thinking.

The probable and pending official diagnosis? ADHD. Yes, the whole shebang, even the hyperactive part of it. He wants to do blood work to rule out a thyroid condition or lead poisoning, but he's got me nailed down. Frankly, I'm surprised. Hyperactive? I never would have thought of myself that way at all. Sure I'm in nearly constant motion, but it's not like I'm bouncing off the walls. And good grief, I've lived my whole life this way and it was never a problem! Well, except for all those times I flew through whatever door a the last second...well okay, a few minutes late...always late for everything. But with a winning smile. Which I can tell you can get you pretty far. A sincere and winning smile will get you far.

I left that appointment feeling down. The doctor wants to put me on medication to "stabilize" me. I don't want medication. I don't want to be "stabilized". I don't feel like there is anything wrong with me. I only went because I thought by understanding myself a bit more, I'd understand Megan a bit more and could help her more. Because I don't want her on medication either. I'm really in revolt about the medication issue. It's a crutch. What if we don't have access to it, and then can't cope? No, I want to cope myself. I want Megan to be able to find ways to cope herself.

But I'm driving DH crazy. Always have, but I guess I'm cute enough for him to put up with it. I don't want to drive him crazy. I don't want to drive my kids crazy either. DH is leaving the choice up to me. I called my mom and to my complete surprise, she thinks I should consider medication. My mom - the closest thing to an Earth Mother I know (in a good way) - says I should at least consider medication.

I don't feel like I need to be fixed. But it sounds like I drive my family bananas. My need for movement, crazy creative bursts of energy, intolerance of boredom, frustration with the status quo and thirst for the bottom line...apparently drive my family batty.

I didn't think I'd feel this way, because knowledge is power. But this? ADHD? Blah.