In Praise of Speech Therapy

I've written about how much I love occupational therapy. But I love speech therapy just as much. I just love speech therapists. They do a lot of different things, but in Anna's case they've taught her to communicate. To this day I'm still in awe of this process. It's really a mind-blowing thing to see that a person can have words and construct sentences but still not be able to use language to communicate effectively, and then a speech therapist intervenes and said person learns how to communicate. If I didn't know better, I'd think it was a bunch of voodoo magic they employ. But I recognize that speech therapists are scientists in their own way. There is a method to their magic (okay, therapy).

So, I've already told you that Anna's speech therapist is fabulous. She knows stuff that I don't. She can do stuff that I can't. She gets what I'm trying to say when I blunder my way through trying to describe something to her. She listens to my concerns like they are important.

The other week, Anna's speech therapist suggested that it'd be good for Anna to get into a group situation to help facilitate free-form social interaction, such as what to do and say when playing a game such as kickball. She told me there are only so many tests she can have Anna take. Anna is doing well on the tests and I gather that it may get harder soon to justify (to the insurance company, not to the speech therapist or to me) the need for continued speech therapy. The tests don't measure pragmatic language skills, where almost all of Anna's difficulties now lie.

I felt a little panicky when she said this. I agree that Anna needs help with the free-form stuff, but I also think she still needs individual therapy. She still needs help with language in a way that I can't seem help her. (Admitting this doesn't do much for my complex, but at the end of the day it's all about helping Anna.) I wanted to throw myself at the therapist's feet and say "Not now! I'm not ready for speech therapy to end! Anna isn't ready for speech therapy to end! She still needs help in ways that my brain is too fried at the moment to describe for you, but trust me, she still needs help!". What I did manage to spit out was something along these lines - Anna thinks differently, talks differently, laughs about different things, uses language awkwardly, and has a hard time interacting with her typical peers. She doesn't actually interact with kids her age, she stands back and watches them intently (which I'm sure freaks them out a bit) and then copies what they do - down to their exact movements and laughter (only delayed by a few seconds). It's a little weird. And she doesn't talk or act like them even when she's mimicking them - she talks and acts a lot younger, which they also find off-putting. So the way she uses language is weird and young for her age, and she has a difficult time interfacing with her typical peers.

But there's more to it than that and I've been trying to put my finger on it. Sometimes it takes awhile to observe things and have a deep-seated concern bubble to the surface enough to express that concern lucidly. It has to do with Anna talking younger than she is. Her typical peers can run circles around her language-wise, and it seems to me that Anna is a little lost. It's not that she doesn't have language - she does. But she's not getting things in context. She doesn't get the gist of things, the give and take of communication. She not only does not seem to understand all the subtle undercurrents of communication, she also does not seem to be picking up the meaning of words and phrases in context. She's not connecting stuff and assimilating it, instead she seems to be stuck at a 3 year old level (in language and emotional expression, which I will write more about later).

So the other week I mentioned this concern to Anna's speech therapist, who lit up like a light bulb and told me it's because Anna seems to be stuck at a "tier one" level of language. Huh. I didn't know there were tiers. Apparently there are three language tiers. The first tier is where the simplest language is...the words that live there are ones like "good" and "big" and "scary". The second tier is where the bigger words live that mean the same thing as the simple words, but with extra padding. Words like "excellent" and "gigantic" and "horrifying". Words that can be picked up within the context of a sentence. This is where Anna runs into trouble. I've forgotten what the third tier is but I think it has something to do with manipulating language to have more than one meaning (like irony or double-entendre) - I can't seem to find much about language tiers online so I will have to ask around. But I can already see that this third tier will be even harder for Anna to grasp. The ways that most of us use and understand language are so deeply ingrained and second-nature that we never have to think about it. Couple that with the unspoken and powerful communication made with body language and facial cues and communication really becomes thorny for someone like Anna, who has a hard time interpreting and using all language - spoken and unspoken - to communicate. Everyone else runs circles around her and then leaves her in the dust. She must feel like an alien in a world she does not understand. Again - Anna is not ready to leave speech therapy. Like occupational therapy, I think Anna will need some form of speech/social skills therapy for the foreseeable future.

So my homework this summer, to my slight chagrin, is to read a lot of books to Anna and give her explanations of the tier two words she does not understand. Not that I mind reading to Anna...it's just that she already asks me all day long what different words mean. All day long. It's almost enough to drive me mad. But I'll read the books. I'll smile and answer Anna's questions. And I will look forward to the day where Anna can read the dictionary all by herself.

Fresh Tomato and Basil Chicken

This is a nice light dish for summer. Serve with crusty french bread or risotto to soak up the sauce and a green salad on the side.

4 small skinless, boneless chicken breasts
3 tbsp. rice flour
1 tbsp. corn flour or potato flour
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
2tbsp. olive oil
2 small shallots, minced
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tbsp. balsamic vinegar or white wine
3/4 cup chicken broth
1 pint grape tomatoes, halved
16 large basil leaves, halved and thinly sliced

Combine the rice flour through the pepper. Dredge chicken in the flour mixture, shaking off excess. Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the chicken and cook, turning once, 5 minutes on each side or until cooked through. Remove to a serving dish and keep warm.

Add the shallot and garlic to the skillet, cook for one minute or until fragrant. Add the vinegar or white wine to the pan and deglaze. Add the chicken broth and tomatoes. Simmer one or two minutes or until the sauce is slightly reduced. Add the basil and cook one minute more. Pour sauce over the chicken and serve hot.

Honey Glazed Snack Mix

This is a Penzey's recipe. The girls really like the savory version. To make it sweet, omit the salt, garlic powder and peppers and substitute 1/2 tsp. cinnamon instead.

4 cups gluten free Chex cereal (rice or corn)
2 cups Ener-G pretzels
1 cup walnut or pecan halves
1/3 cup casein free, soy free margarine
1/4 cup honey
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a large baking sheet, set aside. In a large bowl toss together the cereal, pretzels and nuts. Place the margarine, honey, salt, garlic powder and peppers in a small saucepan. Stir over low heat until the margarine melts, then drizzle over the cereal mixture and toss well. Spread on the prepared baking sheet. Bake 15 minutes. Remove from oven and let rest 3 minutes. Spread the mix on a piece of wax paper to cool completely. Store in an airtight container.

Birthday Cake with Berry Frosting

Today we are throwing a wee party for the girls to celebrate their birthdays. They wanted white cake with pink frosting, so I obliged. It looks homemade, doesn't it? Oh well, I guess it can be called "charming". I used this recipe for the cake. For the frosting, I used this recipe as my guide but instead of using rice milk I set aside some berry juice from a Strawberry and Blueberry Cobbler I made the night before. It lends the frosting a pretty pink color and a pleasing berry flavor!

Microwave Risotto

I don't often make white rice but sometimes risotto just hits the spot. I love this recipe for making risotto in the microwave since it's so easy. I know, I can hear all of you out there gasping that I use the microwave to cook food. I only do this sometimes! Mostly I use the microwave to heat water for tea. And I really think it's okay to make "Frankenrice" occasionally...the kids don't eat it, so I'm not killing them - just me. Not that I want to kill you too, dear reader. But if you have a hankering for rice you can make quickly in the microwave, then this recipe is for you. Mangia, baby.

3 tbsp. olive oil
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 cup uncooked risotto
3 cups vegetable broth or chicken broth
salt and pepper to taste

Combine the olive oil and onion in a microwave safe bowl. Cover and cook on high for 3 minutes. Stir in the rice, cook on high for 2 minutes uncovered. Add 1 cup of broth, cover and cook on high for 6 minutes. Add another cup of broth, cover and cook on high 6 minutes. Add the remaining cup of broth, cover and cook on high another 5 minutes. The broth should be absorbed and the rice should be creamy. If not, add a little more broth and cook on high another 2 minutes. I often add a little extra broth or white wine after cooking to make it extra creamy and add any condiments as desired (green peas, diced ham or sauteed vegetables such as asparagus, spinach, diced tomatoes, mushrooms, etc.). Season with salt and pepper to taste and serve hot.

We've Arrived, and a Quick Chicken Dinner

We arrived at our destination 4 days ago. The trip was really not that bad - three days in the car and the girls were mostly happy. Although, they were happier to get out of the car and overrun Grandma's house. Dinner the day of our arrival was Pesto Marinated Chicken on top of salad. It's pretty simple and pretty tasty too. I really liked the berries on the salad.

1 batch Cilantro Pesto, thinned with olive oil
1 pound chicken tenders
field greens
strawberries, quartered
blueberries
balsamic vinaigrette or other dressing of your choice

Place pesto and chicken in a large gallon zip bag and toss to coat chicken with the pesto. Place in refrigerator and marinate several hours. Just before dinner, take chicken out of the bag, shake off any dripping pesto and grill the chicken a couple of minutes on each side or until cooked through. Slice chicken and place on top of field greens. Sprinkle berries on top and serve.

And We're Off!

Tomorrow we leave early in the morning for our month long vacation to visit family and friends. To get there, we'll travel three days by car. We'll be bringing all our meals and snacks for the trip. Here is what we're bringing...it's pretty simple, but it will get us to our destination just fine.


Day One

Kids

breakfast - coconut milk yogurt, orange juice box

snack - strawberries, almond milk box

lunch - cashew butter & honey sandwiches, canteloupe, Annie's bunny treats, water

snack - Almonds, juice box

dinner - homemade chicken nuggets, carrots/salsa, potato chips (definite treat!), homemade cookie, water

Adults

breakfast - coconut milk yogurt, coffee

snack - Canteloup & strawberries, water

lunch - homemade spring rolls filled with lettuce, veggies & tuna

snack - Almonds, water

dinner -Salad topped with chicken, homemade dressing, potato chips

Day Two

Kids

breakfast - Hard boiled eggs, fruit leather, orange juice box

snack - Banana, water

lunch - Turkey/salami roll-ups, vegan rice cheese, Fritos (another treat!), Annie's bunny treats, almond milk box

snack - almonds, juice box

dinner - Tuna salad, Calbee snap pea crisps, applesauce, Yummy Earth lollipop, water

Adults

breakfast - Hard boiled eggs, coffee

snack - Banana, water

lunch - homemade sandwich rolls with turkey, lettuce, mustard

snack - apple, water

dinner - Chef salad, homemade dressing, water

Day Three

Kids

breakfast - Enjoy Life snack bar, fruit leather, orange juice box

snack - Banana, almond milk box

lunch - cashew butter & honey sandwiches, fruit leather, Annie's bunny treats, water

snack - Almonds, juice box

Dinner at destination

Adults

breakfast - Almonds and dried fruit, coffee

snack - Banana, water

lunch - Spring rolls/sandwich rolls

snack - Apple, water

Dinner at destination

Extras

Homemade hummus, Ener-G pretzels, cookies, apples, bananas, carrots

Reflecting on Friendship and Identity

The thoughts that make up this post have been percolating for a long time. One kick-in-the-rear that facilitated putting those thoughts to (virtual) paper comes from this post at Asperger Journeys. Thanks, Rachel. The other kick in the rear I got a few months ago from a friend who told me that women are *itches to one another and that I should just get used to it, and let the *itchiness roll off me like water off a duck's back. I was stunned by this. I mean, I'm in my third decade and I'm being told by a friend that all women should expect to be stuck in junior high and accept this sort of behavior by their friends? Well, I reject that. I didn't accept it in junior high and I certainly do not accept it now.

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Now let's get this out of the way - I am not an Aspie. I probably have several Aspie traits, but every AS self-diagnosis test I've taken says there is no way in heck I have AS, mostly because I'm very good at reading body language and facial cues and intuiting what other people are thinking and feeling based on those cues. I can navigate the social world pretty well. The problem is, I hate doing it. All that social posturing and heirarchy BS is a waste of time and energy. It's like a pissing contest between dogs. Seriously. I have better ways to spend my time. As you can imagine, this personality trait does not endear me to a broad spectrum of other personalities. And really, that's okay with me. All I've ever needed were a few close friends to keep me going.

And I've been blessed with good friends. The very best friends stick with you through thick and thin, no matter what. They stay beside you when you are dragging your sorry ass through some pretty awful stuff, and you do the same for them. Friends like this make the world turn around. They are worth more than anything in the world. Friends like this can be family, and happily in my case they are...I have a rock solid family. They are awesome. Friends like this are also just as good as family. Like my BFF (girl, you are as good as gold). Like my oldest friend from middle school (K, you've been awesome). And life partners who are deep, abiding friends...there are no words for that. To set your eyes on a common goal and then make your way toward that goal together...mucking your way through the sludge life throws at you, physically together but often feeling separate because everyone deals with said sludge differently...knowing the sludge does not change your commitment...I am blessed with such a partner.

Of course some of the sludge in my particular case is my daughter's ASD diagnosis. Not that the diagnosis is a bad thing. In fact, I feel strangely protective of it. The difficulty lies mostly in the social arena, not only for her but for the rest of the family. As much as we like to think as a society we are tolerant, there is still a stigma associated with being "different". This difference can be anything outside of the norm, such as cancer. In our case it's ASD. At the time of the diagnosis, as much as I was expecting it, it was still a shock to the system to hear the confirmation of my fears. And it's funny what happens to friendships at this time. As DH and I and our immediate family hunkered down and circled our wagons, "friends" started to drop like flies. Some dropped before the diagnosis, when differences were becoming obvious. Some dropped after the diagnosis, unable or unwilling to deal with our "new" reality. Others fell by the wayside as life changes created more differences than similarities between us.

(I need to pause here to say that after the diagnosis - event though I was expecting it - I fell into a deep depression for about 6 months. I was a mess. I must have been an absolute nightmare to deal with on all levels, but my BFF stuck with me. She never judged me. She never said anything negative, never told me to suck it up and deal, she never wavered from my side even once. She listened to hours and hours of fretting and obsessing over the phone. She gave me the time I needed to work things out. Jules, I will love you for that absolutely always.)

Eventually I felt good enough to try to reach out and make some new friends. Whether or not I was actually ready to do so was beside the point - I needed to reach out, to connect, to get out from under the weight of the new and fearsome responsibilities ASD had placed up on me - I needed to breathe. And you know what I found? The circles I could operate in had shrunk considerably. Anybody who was going to understand anything I was talking about or feeling would be in the autism community, specifically autism parents. This is fine, but they are hard to find. They don't exactly hobnob at social gatherings on any given Saturday night. Thankfully, I have found some great friends in this community, and that has been a lifesaving breathe of fresh air. (N & J - seriously? You rock.) I also tried to find some peace at church but I have not had much luck. The church I attend happens to be fairly tolerant of people with differences, but I still feel freakishly different. Even now I wonder - how much room is there for an autism mom? Am I the only one? Yes, I am. I am the only one.

I find myself at a strange crossroads of sorts. I have one foot in the door in the ASD and LD communities. I don't have ASD or a measurable learning difference, but I have a daughter who does. There's the foot. I also have a residual foot in the NT community. But I don't feel like I belong there, even as I don't totally feel like I belong in the LD community. I feel like I'm straddling two worlds and can't find a place to call home.

I'm not sure which path to take. Maybe I'll blaze my own trail. After all, I want to be a good model for my daughters. I want them to be strong, to feel self-worth, to listen to their hearts, and find true and abiding friends. A few good friends to weather the road with them - that is all they really need.

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I was visiting with an old friend last weekend. She told me about a dream she had recently. In her dream, Anna looked at her and gave her a great big smile. In her dream she was so excited, because she knew the significance of this. I was stunned - this time in a good way. I told her "You are a true friend! You always have been and you always will be. Who other than a true friend would have a spectacular dream like that about my daughter?" What more do I need, than to have friends like this? Friends who, although they may not fully know the path I walk, accept me for who I am and where I'm at? I am blessed.

Finally - Pictures!

Chocolate Oblivion

Blueberry Boy Bait

Corn Chowder

So, our desktop is up and running again and I finally have access to my photos - mere days before we leave for a month long vacation! Oh well, something is better than nothing. The photos are not that fabulous (because I'm no artist), but they give you an idea of what a dish looks like before you try it yourself!

GFCF Nut Butter Cupcakes

Today I was surprised by one of those "my daughter's birthday is tomorrow and I wanted to celebrate with cupcakes, but your girls have food allergies!" moments after I dropped the girls off at VBS. I could see the trepidation in the poor woman's eyes until I said "don't worry about it, I'll bring cupcakes that my girls can have", and instant relief spread across her face. I do what I can, you know?

I've been half-mad this week preparing for our month-long vacation that begins on Sunday. We are taking a three day car trip, which means packing all our food for three days (breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks) because it is impossible for us to stop for food along the way. So I've been shopping and packing and planning and I don't have a lot of time to spare before we leave. But what are a couple of dozen cupcakes? These are easy to whip up, and the nut butter flavor is sublte and pleasing. They are good frosted with plain "buttercream" frosting, but chocolate "buttercream" frosting would be good too. Once again, an allergy-mom saves the day! (Wow, I just realized I wear a lot of hats.)

2 cups GF All Purpose Flour Blend
1 tsp. xanthan gum
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 cup dairy-free, soy-free margarine
1/2 cup nut butter (almond, cashew or sunflower)
2 eggs
1 cup rice milk or other dairy-free milk alternative

Preheat oven to 375. Line two 12 cup muffin tins with baking cups, set aside.

Sift together the flour through the salt, set aside.

Beat margarine and nut butter together until well-blended. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add the rice milk and beat until combined. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients. Beat on low speed until incorporated. Scrape down sides, then beat on medium speed one minute or until smooth.

Spoon batter into muffin cups (you will probably only get 18 cupcakes out of this recipe...fill the leftover muffin wells with a half inch of water so the pan does not warp in the oven). Bake about 15 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center of a cupcake comes out clean. Remove cupcakes from muffin tin and cool on a wire rack completely before frosting as desired.